this week and stress) are roiling within these days that it's no wonder I'm not sleeping too well. Thanks to my deeply insightful, spiritual role-model friend Leah, I see that I am being given yissurim (suffering, trials) in advance of our aliyah in order to earn my future life in Israel.
It is not easy to disengage from a whole life lived elsewhere. Will it be worth it? No question. But that doesn't make it easy.
A friend in Israel who must have made aliyah when she was very young, recently said to me, "I never realized, it just never hit me, how much unraveling a person has to do when they make Aliya. In my immature and idealistic view, you just make the decision and come."
Ha! Would that that were so. My to-do list seems to get longer each day. The days pass so swiftly that I am caught short-winded. The pinpricks of emotion are getting more frequent.
I know, from the years I have already lived, that the moment of parting might be painful, like the ripping off of a band aid, but soon after, I will feel better. In 32 days, I will feel better.
But now, it really is hard. And I don't want any of my long-settled friends in Israel to try to convince me it's not. There are a lot of goodbyes to say - to people, places and things that have been part of my life for so long, I can't remember ever not having them. And goodbyes to newer relationships that I lack the time to nurture, places I'll likely never visit now and things I won't have in my home anymore. I'm more than willing to say goodbye to all that.
But I reserve the right to cry when saying goodbye.