The fact is, I really can't move to Israel just now. If you know me, you probably already know the reason. If you don't know me, it doesn't matter. You'll just have to take it as a given.
So why might that be? I'm asking a spiritual question here, since the practical answer is already clear to me. What is the spiritual reason why my circumstances prevent me from making aliyah when I want so desperately to be part of the Jewish story at this stage of Jewish history?
I believe there is a spiritual reason why my circumstances are as they are. I don't believe the quality of being stuck-jammed-wedged-trapped into my life in America was randomly assigned to me. But since I'm neither a mekubal nor Gd Himself, I can only have theories.
Perhaps, in a previous life, I had the chance to live in Israel and I treated the opportunity with derision or simple indifference. Now, my tikkun is to long for what I treated cavalierly in a past life.
Perhaps Hashem is withholding the opportunity, as He withheld children from Sara Imenu, in order to force me to build a deeper, more faithful relationship with Him.
Perhaps I yet have work to do here, something specific to accomplish that I can only accomplish while living in America.
Perhaps Hashem is keeping me at a safe distance from some terrible tragedy that would otherwise befall me if I were to be living in Israel already.
It could be any of these, all of these or none of these. At this stage, the important factor is that I trust that there is a reason.
That helps me cope.
2 comments:
Because those of us who know you know that Hashem wants you to continue the work you do for Israel and the Chug Aliyah up until the moment you can come. Perhaps He feels there is nobody capable to take over your work yet.
I think it's cuz you still have work to do in America.
(not to take away from the pain and anxiety you must feel every hour in chutz l'aretz....)
But, like we say in Chabad-"Mach duh Eretz Yisroel". Make here, Israel.
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